PL 73 The Compulsion to Recreate and Overcome Childhood Hurts
Video Presentation by Jan Rigsby  1 hr 44 mins
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDuSss4mrsc 
Subtitles by Shakila Faqeeri

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Jan Rigsby (Host):  Hi, it's March 7th, 2009.  
 I'm Jan Rigsby, speaking from Austin.

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And this is a teleconference on Pathwork Guide

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Lecture 73, which has the
title of "The Compulsion to

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Recreate and Overcome Childhood Hurts."

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And we're a little along in the tape right now because
I've been pressing the wrong

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buttons. But, now, if you'd like
to introduce yourselves, I think

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I've got all the controls
correct and I apologize for the errors.

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Please go ahead.

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Caller: This is Catlin in
Atlanta.

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Jan: Welcome, Catlin.

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Caller: This is Perry in
Marshall, Texas.

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Jan: Welcome, Perry.

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Caller: [Indiscernable]...it's Randall in...

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Jan: Welcome to you, Randall.

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Jan: Okay, now there will be
other people joining us. But I

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have diasbled the chime so that
we won't keep hearing ringing

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noises throughout the
presentation as people go back

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and forth. So what I'm going to
do, and I've said this several

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times before, a lot of this is
repetition. But repetition

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helps. This lecture is a key
lecture. It's a critical lecture

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to comprehend the distinction
between spiritual work and

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psychological work. And also it
brings in a lot of concepts in

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the Pathwork. And I find it
fairly straightforward and easy

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to read, if you've read all 72
before this. And I don't ask

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people to do that when they join
the conferences or when they ask

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questions or get involved with
Pathwork. They normally don't

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read them all.

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But what I like to do is I like to
put forward a context. So you

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have a picture of where this
lecture fits. So one of the

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things that I say periodically
is that for some people the

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Pathwork concepts are a little foreign      [indiscernable...]

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[indiscernable]... for human eyes.

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And it takes a lot of work to
imagine a different perspective.

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So when you're reading the
materials and you're thinking,

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"but this" or "but that." One of
the things that helps with that

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is to think, "now, what could
the Guide be saying from a

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greater viewing position?" This
is not God speaking in these

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lectures. These are channelled
lectures. And the Guide says

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that he is a spirit, which means
he has perhaps a larger

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perspective of what's going on
than we do. In another place in

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the lectures, the Guide says you
have four or five dimensions. We

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have twenty. Now, I don't know
that there is a number, but I

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remember reading that some
place. So I'll use that number.

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If we're working in five
dimensions and the spirits in

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the spirit world are working in
twenty, they're going to be able

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to see nuance. They're going to
be able to see depth better than

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we can. Just as if you were
looking at something with a

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black and white camera and
trying to figure out what color

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or shade it was. You can tell
what color of gray, but it might

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be very difficult to really
discern the hue of red or the

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hue of blue. So going from the
earth plane to the spirit plane

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could be almost like going like
Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz--

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going from black and white to
color, in terms of the number of

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hues of information that are
available to you there that we

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don't have. I'm stressing that
because critical in this lecture

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is the concept that you and I
and every other human being on

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the planet came to this planet
from spirit. That's home. And we

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came from spirit. And we made
ourselves to some degree smaller

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to fit into human bodies and
human minds. So to understand to

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go backwards and try to
understand what this is all

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about, we need to use our
imagination... to figure out what

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could we have been thinking when
we came up with these plans? Now

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another way to look at that is a
term that I nicknamed

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"baselining". And you can have
the concept in accounting and in

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a lot of other industries and
situations, where the question

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is: where do you start from? So
if you were reading financial

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reports and someone said, "this
much out, and this much in."

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Well, is that today? Is that
this month? Is that this year?

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Is this 10 years? Is that from
the beginning of the operation?

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And you're going to get a lot of
different viewpoints going back

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along that track. And for
instance, today's trend could

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be down. Yesterday's could have
been up. A month ago you see a

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lot of see-sawing. You get the
idea. It's like looking at a

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stock market chart and
continuing to go backwards in

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time. You get a smoother line.
And you get a better sense of

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where things are going. That's
what context can give you. So

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when you baseline and you talk
about a given situation, and you

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say, "my foot hurts."

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That's really not enough
information.

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We need to know when it started
hurting. We need to know how

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badly it hurts. We need to know
if you've ever had (just like a

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doctor diagnosing) how long have
you had this condition? When did

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it start? What degree is the
pain? What's your family

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history? You know. It goes
backwards and backwards and

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backwards and forwards. Because
you're trying to get a picture

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of the entire organism. You're
trying to get a picture of the

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entire situation, rather than
the circumstances of a given

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moment. I'm going on and on
about that because this is very,

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very valid when it comes to
Pathwork. So I'm going switch

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now and try to talk about the
context of the Pathwork ideas

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within human societal paradigms.
Because they're different. So

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the phrase I like to use or the
keyword for me when I talk about

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this is a phrase that I think
actually came out of my lips

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when I was a kid. I believe I
might have actually said, if I

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didn't say it, I thought it. "I
didn't ask to be born." And in

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that moment, what I was trying
to express was: "you dragged me

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into this mess. It doesn't work.
I don't like it. I'm unhappy."

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And beyond that there's an idea
that if I had invented this

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mess,

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I would've structured it
differently.

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Now, that's not just an
individual's point of view. That

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tends to be a societal point of
view, eventhough we don't say

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it. We say so many things that
reflect it, that it becomes a

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paradigm in our lives. So I
sometimes practice writing

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examples ahead of time and
then they don't work. So I do

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these things a little ad lib. So
I don't have too many at hand.

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But you might be thinking of
some. So any phrase that

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indicates: I am not responsible
for this. This is a problem, and

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it's not my problem. I wonder
why life is so hard? If I could

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do it all over again... I would.

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And insert the phrase of your
choice... "I would be taller, I

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would be prettier. I would be
more talented. I would sing."

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Anything that you've thought
about your entire life. "If I'd

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been in charge... if I'd made
these decisions... I would have

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done something different..." All
supposes that you got handed who

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you are. Now the massive
difference in perspective that

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Pathwork proposes- and the key
lecture on this is Pathwork

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Guide Lecture 34, which is the... and
now I've dropped the word...

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Procedure for Reincarnation, the
Process of Reincarnation. You

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get the idea, I've completely
dropped the word. But Pathwork

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Guide Lecture 34 talks about the
process of preparation for

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reincarnation. And it has a lot
of information. And it might be

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valuable that I'm referencing
right now.

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What Pathwork says is: you did
select. You selected everything

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in your life that is hardwired.
I'll explain that in a moment.

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But you selected it from a place
where you had a bigger

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perspective and a lot of help.

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So you made choices regarding
this life and with the

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assistance of other spiritual
people. And the reason you did

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that (as far as in terms of
being with a team) is that the

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team had every intention and
does travel with you throughout

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this lifetime. So you're not
down here by yourself. You're

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not alone. There's a plan. And
there's a team. And I like to

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think of it in terms of: you're
the team captain, you've got the

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ball. They're spirit, they
can't move lamps. And they can't

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make things... They're not
supposed to make things easy for

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you. Their job is to support and
help accelerate the plan. So

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what I've just described is a
shift in paradigm from, "this

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was what I wound up with" to
"this is what I decided would be

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best in terms of raw materials."
Now, best for what? Once again,

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the spiritual point of view is
that we're down here to

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accomplish tasks--tasks of
transformation. That we're here

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because in the world of illusion
(and I did a teleconference

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previously on unity and duality)
...in this world of Illusion, where

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we believe that we're mortal...
when we believe that we are at

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risk... when we believe in winning
and losing...right and wrong... bad

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and good... In this environment,
distortions in our belief

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system, places where we do not
align with spiritual law, can

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flourish. So the idea is that
from the spirit world, we

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develop a plan where our
distortions will flourish so

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that we can see them.

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In effect, what we're doing is
an act of faith. We are certain

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that divine law is correct. We
are certain that distortion will

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never work. And that they will
cause pain. But we are still

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clinging to them. So lifetime
after lifetime, we come down

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here to basically wash these
distortions out of our spiritual

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system.

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By truly experiencing what the
distortion produces.

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So that's the task. That's what
we're coming here to do. So

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Lecture 34 gives me a personal
picture of a boardroom table and

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a lot of people sitting around.
And I see lots of coffee cups

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and scrunched up napkins and
silly things like that. Where

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you're trying to work out,
"considering my state of

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development

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and what I need to do next, what
would be the best possible

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working environment?" And in
that process, you are selecting

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your parents. Now, perhaps you
can see where that changes the

0:13:54.020,0:13:58.700
baseline and the context of this
Lecture. Copying your parents

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out of blind, "I'd like to like
my dad" is one thing. What the

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Lecture is suggesting is that we
have a natural affinity towards

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our parents because they were
selected as ideal foils to

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accelerate our spiritual task.
They're going to help us better

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than any other choice we could
make at that particular time

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period. So in this proactive
place of choosing our parents,

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we make decisions that affect
every single aspect of the rest

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of our life. By that I mean that
when you choose your parents,

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they're obviously alive and they
are living in a certain time

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period. They're living in a
certain culture. They're living

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in a phase of society, a phase
of civilization. Your parents

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carry baggage from their parents
and grandparents. All that

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cultural material that they're
carrying, you're going to step

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into. Your parents are carrying
DNA for specific manifestations

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of human life. They're carrying
the tendency for their children

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to become a certain form-- of
tall, short, black, white,

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female or more males than
females, weak, strong- all these

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things that a family represents.
When you volunteered to be born

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to that family and you
physically go through the

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process of enmeshing
biologically with that family

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and therefore manifesting
yourself as a form. This is what

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you inherit. So the choice of
parents is going to bring a lot

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of key elements to play in your
childhood. Now this goes down to

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the cellular level. So if you're
born to family X, that is blond

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and light-skinned and very tall.
It's not that you can't be born

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differently. You certainly can.
And that may be something that

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you've pre-planned. But being
different from that family is

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going to get certain responses
from the community. You might be

0:16:29.780,0:16:33.470
treated slightly differently in
your family for being the odd

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one. They may love you and think
you're cute! But you're quite

0:16:37.220,0:16:42.560
different. So there is a place
in human psychology, where you

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can pretty much bet that if you
come into a family like them or

0:16:47.180,0:16:52.730
unlike them, into a society,
where you agree or disagree,

0:16:52.730,0:16:57.650
flow with or flow against, that
there are going to be a natural

0:16:57.650,0:17:04.370
series of interactions that will
begin to build your character

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and your personality. Now,
sometimes I try to think of

0:17:09.530,0:17:14.840
this, like a billiard table or a
pool table, where once the break

0:17:14.840,0:17:19.340
happens, you can pretty much
guarantee the first two or three

0:17:19.340,0:17:23.930
shots. Like chess, the first
move is going to dictate the

0:17:23.930,0:17:28.430
next few moves. But it gets
very, very complicated very,

0:17:28.430,0:17:32.060
very quickly. And as these
circumstances happen, and

0:17:32.060,0:17:35.900
they're very, very complex,
that's where you may be born in

0:17:35.900,0:17:41.720
a certain given situation that
might attract certain attitudes.

0:17:42.110,0:17:45.050
And this reflects back to
Lecture 201 which is

0:17:45.050,0:17:48.470
Demagnetizing Negative Force
Fields... When you're putting out

0:17:48.500,0:17:56.270
a certain energy, a family will
naturally respond (in a - not

0:17:56.270,0:17:58.910
the entire gamut of given
waves)...That's probably not a

0:17:58.910,0:18:03.350
good sentence for you. You may get
the idea. So, with the

0:18:03.350,0:18:07.010
psychology of your parents, with
the culture in society, with

0:18:07.010,0:18:09.830
where you are born in the
family, whether it's first,

0:18:09.830,0:18:15.410
second or twelvth, whether the
family is rich or poor, whether

0:18:15.410,0:18:19.850
the family has a history of
intelligence and creativity, or

0:18:19.850,0:18:24.320
whether the family is
intellectually challenged... Is

0:18:24.320,0:18:28.250
the family a minority in their
community? Or are they in the

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majority? All of these aspects are
the kinds of things that, as

0:18:34.880,0:18:38.540
children and young people, we
think that we're just saddled

0:18:38.540,0:18:41.570
with this stuff. And the
perspective I'm inviting you to

0:18:41.570,0:18:47.870
see is that we chose precisely
these elements.

0:18:49.440,0:18:51.120
And we chose them for reasons.

0:18:52.830,0:18:55.920
Now, one thing people will say
at this point is, "what are the

0:18:55.920,0:19:02.370
reasons?" But I can't tell you.
Because one of the conditions

0:19:02.520,0:19:07.740
for this process of using human
life to work on our distortions

0:19:08.400,0:19:12.960
is that we have to forget. So if
you could imagine coming down

0:19:12.960,0:19:15.690
with the manual... you'd just be
reading the book, while you're

0:19:15.690,0:19:18.360
driving along, we're living
along. "Oh, I'm supposed to do

0:19:18.360,0:19:21.540
this and yeah, this I'll
hit...and..." That's not really

0:19:21.540,0:19:25.110
going to get you to give up
distortions that you are

0:19:25.110,0:19:26.940
clinging to on a spiritual
level.

0:19:29.760,0:19:37.980
In order for you to truly let go
of a distortion, of a false

0:19:37.980,0:19:43.950
belief, of selfishness, of
believing that strength is good

0:19:43.950,0:19:48.030
and weaknesses is bad. Whatever
it is that you have, where you

0:19:48.030,0:19:51.570
are trying to gain an advantage
or whatever you're trying to

0:19:51.570,0:19:53.880
do that is against spiritual
law.

0:19:56.400,0:19:58.470
You're not going to give up
easily.

0:20:00.150,0:20:04.350
So it is critical that you not
know the plan, because you would

0:20:04.350,0:20:06.000
try to outwit it.

0:20:07.470,0:20:10.590
That's what we do. If you
could've fixed it the spirit

0:20:10.590,0:20:12.900
world, you come down here with a
different task.

0:20:14.190,0:20:17.490
So there's a de facto over here--
that you weren't able to fix it

0:20:17.520,0:20:18.420
in the spirit world.

0:20:19.920,0:20:25.740
So you've come here to be in the
dark to some degree with a plan

0:20:25.890,0:20:30.420
that is going to send you down a
certain road. Where your

0:20:30.420,0:20:35.640
distortions are going to have an
excellent chance to manifest and

0:20:35.670,0:20:41.340
develop. And perhaps you can see
where that puts a different spin

0:20:41.970,0:20:48.090
on the trouble we get to in this
life. The trouble we get into in

0:20:48.090,0:20:52.260
human life, to some degree, and I
am not trying to make light of

0:20:52.260,0:20:54.810
it, because what we're talking
about here is human pain and

0:20:54.810,0:21:01.800
suffering. But to some extent,
the pain and suffering we feel

0:21:02.040,0:21:08.730
has a purpose. And from a
spiritual perspective, we felt

0:21:09.030,0:21:15.780
that this was the best way to an
enact. I want to put a caveat in

0:21:15.780,0:21:22.560
here. I am not saying that human
suffering is a good thing. I am

0:21:22.560,0:21:25.290
saying that there are spiritual
reasons for it beyond my

0:21:25.290,0:21:32.160
understanding. And that if we
could have learned these

0:21:32.160,0:21:40.110
spiritual lessons in a kinder,
gentler way, we would. And some

0:21:40.110,0:21:43.080
of us have kind, gentle lives.

0:21:44.490,0:21:49.110
And some of us have deeply
troubled and emotionally or

0:21:49.110,0:21:51.300
physically violent lives.

0:21:52.920,0:21:55.950
The truth that I have found when
working with people is that

0:21:55.950,0:22:01.770
everyone has violent, emotional
lives. They just don't display

0:22:01.770,0:22:08.520
it very much sometimes. So, what
I have learned in working with

0:22:08.520,0:22:11.190
the material and getting rid of
some of my own distortions of

0:22:11.190,0:22:15.210
judgment or thinking that I'm
better than somebody else, is

0:22:15.210,0:22:19.410
realizing that we are all the
same. And we all have a task at

0:22:19.410,0:22:22.890
hand. And as the Guide says--
it's not my place to judge

0:22:22.890,0:22:28.020
someone else's task. That your
task might look easy to me. But

0:22:28.020,0:22:31.530
that may be because I've already
been there. Or it may be because

0:22:31.530,0:22:37.740
I'm not ready for that yet. That
your task is so mature that you

0:22:37.740,0:22:42.240
can afford to do it in a
quieter, calmer, saner

0:22:42.270,0:22:46.680
environment from the task that I
happen to be handling. So I

0:22:46.680,0:22:49.140
could go on with that, but I
think you've pretty much got the

0:22:49.140,0:22:52.650
idea. The Guide says do not
judge other people. You are

0:22:52.650,0:22:56.130
exactly where you're supposed to
be, doing exactly what you're

0:22:56.130,0:23:01.230
supposed to be doing with the
raw materials that you needed.

0:23:02.070,0:23:05.940
Now, I'm using the phrase "raw
materials" because as we build

0:23:05.940,0:23:09.480
our lives, our free will begins
to interact and we can begin to

0:23:09.480,0:23:14.100
change a lot of things. But you
can't change your gender. And

0:23:14.100,0:23:18.450
you can't change your height
after you've become 18 or 20

0:23:18.450,0:23:24.090
years old. And you can't
suddenly invent musical talent.

0:23:24.120,0:23:29.460
You can practice it and become
skillful. But the basic quota of

0:23:29.460,0:23:33.300
musical talent that you've got
tends to be pretty much fixed.

0:23:34.830,0:23:38.070
So this is another point... is I've
been talking about what we give

0:23:38.070,0:23:43.320
ourselves. We make our choices.
It helps to think in terms of

0:23:43.320,0:23:49.860
what we might withhold from
ourselves. So if your spiritual

0:23:49.860,0:23:54.570
task is to go down a road and do
certain things and athletic

0:23:54.600,0:24:00.240
ability would enable you to
bypass that task. Perhaps you

0:24:00.240,0:24:07.710
get born clumsy. If going down a
particular road would be easier

0:24:07.710,0:24:13.770
if you were quick-witted,
perhaps you invent a human being

0:24:13.770,0:24:20.850
for yourself that is more
slow-witted. So from this

0:24:20.850,0:24:24.450
perspective, if you look back
and you say these choices had

0:24:24.450,0:24:28.380
reasons (again, we do not
understand the reasons). But

0:24:28.380,0:24:32.100
they were choices. And they were
made from a place that is wiser

0:24:32.970,0:24:36.600
than our human understanding
might be able to figure out

0:24:36.600,0:24:39.930
using the pieces that we have
available to us. So once again,

0:24:40.110,0:24:42.990
using five dimensions we just
can't make the puzzle come

0:24:42.990,0:24:46.410
together. But if we had 20
dimensions... Ahh, okay, now I

0:24:46.410,0:24:51.030
understand! So the Lectures are
given to us from the perspective

0:24:51.420,0:24:57.570
of 20 dimensions. Now, that's a
long introduction to this

0:24:57.570,0:25:01.170
Lecture. But to me, it feels
very, very important to do that.

0:25:01.350,0:25:05.700
Because (and I'll go into this
in a moment) when we talk about

0:25:05.700,0:25:09.510
parents and children-- if we
think of it from this different

0:25:09.510,0:25:13.980
perspective, if we think of it
in terms of my parents were

0:25:13.980,0:25:21.690
chosen by me to help me develop
in a certain way. So that the

0:25:21.690,0:25:25.410
rest of my life I am moving in a
certain direction with certain

0:25:25.410,0:25:32.580
attitudes. It shifts some of the
pain of childhood. And it shifts

0:25:32.730,0:25:39.120
some of the sense that we did
not get what we needed. Because

0:25:39.120,0:25:43.950
from a spiritual standpoint,
that may be true. But it was

0:25:43.950,0:25:45.870
also necessary.

0:25:50.640,0:25:57.840
So, Barbara Brennen wrote an
article that was syndicated

0:25:57.840,0:25:59.520
throughout spiritual magazines.

0:25:59.960,0:26:07.400
And she wrote beautifully and
elegantly of a very simple

0:26:07.400,0:26:13.220
example. If, for example, a
baby's cries for attention are

0:26:13.220,0:26:18.380
not immediately met, it may
suffer a terrible sense of

0:26:18.380,0:26:23.840
abandonment. That terror may be
wired into this young mind and

0:26:23.840,0:26:28.220
body and become part of its
consciousness that never grows

0:26:28.220,0:26:32.090
up. This undeveloped
consciousness is what people

0:26:32.120,0:26:35.990
often mean when they talk about
their "inner child." But it's

0:26:35.990,0:26:41.330
not really an inner child. It's
the remnants of consciousness of

0:26:41.330,0:26:47.750
the child you were that have
not grown up. It is your child

0:26:47.750,0:26:51.170
consciousness that still
believes and acts like a child.

0:26:52.220,0:26:56.120
So unless the belief is
addressed, the individual is

0:26:56.120,0:26:59.750
likely to have issues around
abandonment for the rest of its

0:26:59.750,0:27:00.250
life.

0:27:01.860,0:27:07.110
So where that fits in with this
lecture is that when you choose

0:27:07.110,0:27:14.100
parents and you see, for
instance, that your mother is a

0:27:14.100,0:27:19.470
good woman. But she tends, when
she's nervous or upset, to

0:27:19.470,0:27:25.230
withdraw, to turn inside. And
that can look from another

0:27:25.230,0:27:29.550
perspective like rejection. Or
like she doesn't want to give.

0:27:29.700,0:27:33.270
But in truth, she's simply
self-caring. She's simply trying

0:27:33.270,0:27:36.450
to hold a strong container about
herself so that she can

0:27:36.450,0:27:40.770
regenerate love, feelings of
tenderness, or the ability and

0:27:40.770,0:27:45.750
energy that she needs to do what
she needs to do. But these are

0:27:45.780,0:27:50.340
these are adult psychological
explanations. The truth is that

0:27:50.370,0:27:55.830
a baby who is left alone for
hours because the mother is not

0:27:55.860,0:28:01.290
able to give it the nurturing
that it wants and needs may

0:28:01.320,0:28:06.840
independently make a decision in
a part of its mind that is not

0:28:07.440,0:28:13.260
fully conscious. Because the
baby has no language. The baby

0:28:13.260,0:28:17.130
may decide, "I can't get what I
need."

0:28:18.900,0:28:21.750
And grow up thinking that it's
not possible.

0:28:23.910,0:28:29.700
But a different child, starting
with a different task, might

0:28:29.700,0:28:36.210
think, "I need to try harder. I
need to scream and shout. I need

0:28:36.210,0:28:39.930
to be funny. I need to be more
interesting. I need to be more.

0:28:39.990,0:28:45.960
I need to be more so I can get
what I need." Both babies may

0:28:45.960,0:28:49.980
have felt that sense of not
getting what they needed, but

0:28:49.980,0:28:52.560
they would go in different
directions even with the same

0:28:52.560,0:28:55.920
parent. And that's why siblings
can have the same parents and go

0:28:55.920,0:28:59.340
off on multiple, different
directions that seem to make no

0:28:59.340,0:29:03.450
sense. Because, the child
itself, the spirit itself, with

0:29:03.450,0:29:08.310
the task is actually in control
of how it's going to interpret

0:29:08.400,0:29:13.740
whatever comes at it. But the
raw material, whether the mother

0:29:13.980,0:29:18.570
over-mothers and smothers or
walks away or Heaven help us

0:29:18.570,0:29:23.070
all, if the mother appears to be
perfect at all times! Now, in my

0:29:23.070,0:29:28.260
family, I had a lot on my one
side of my family. I had a lot

0:29:28.260,0:29:33.300
of very strong, very upstanding,
very moral people that looked

0:29:33.300,0:29:37.410
perfect to me. And I actually
remember thinking when I was

0:29:37.410,0:29:40.950
about 12 years old, "I'm in deep
trouble! Because I don't fit.

0:29:41.670,0:29:45.600
I'm not that good!" Now,
somebody else might approach

0:29:45.600,0:29:48.630
that situation and say, "hooray!
I have a wonderful, nurturing,

0:29:48.630,0:29:52.980
caring environment." Well,
that's their attitude. Mine was

0:29:52.980,0:29:58.080
that my doubts, my questions, my
concerns and my impulses had no

0:29:58.080,0:30:05.070
place to go in that family. So,
perhaps you can see whatever a

0:30:05.070,0:30:08.400
family is, is going to resonate
in different ways depending on

0:30:08.400,0:30:11.310
which direction you're coming
from and the interpretations you

0:30:11.310,0:30:18.990
make. So, again, I'm working on
context to put this lecture in.

0:30:19.650,0:30:24.690
Because when we talk about: why
would someone want.. Mmm, I'm

0:30:24.690,0:30:29.070
going to back off for a second.
Let's go from the back. Why

0:30:29.070,0:30:36.030
would someone recreate a
childhood hurt? Why would you

0:30:36.030,0:30:40.410
recreate that? The premise of
the lecture is that you recreate

0:30:40.410,0:30:46.440
it because you weren't able to
resolve it from your childhood.

0:30:47.370,0:30:51.390
There's a place in you that just
doesn't feel met. That doesn't

0:30:51.390,0:30:55.080
feel finished. That feels like
you failed. Or that you aren't

0:30:55.080,0:30:58.350
good enough. Or that you were
too much. Whatever it is that

0:30:58.350,0:31:04.260
you feel-- that came out of your
childhood, that was not

0:31:06.270,0:31:08.940
resolved. You're going to carry it
with you along the rest of your

0:31:08.940,0:31:14.100
life. And you're going to
unconsciously be looking for

0:31:14.100,0:31:18.690
situations where you could
either prove that you've

0:31:18.690,0:31:30.900
changed. Or have an opportunity
to learn and change. Or prove

0:31:31.230,0:31:33.750
that that judgment is wrong.

0:31:35.610,0:31:39.690
It was wrong. It is wrong. It
always was, and will be, wrong.

0:31:40.740,0:31:44.130
I was always enough. You were
wrong in making me feel, or

0:31:44.130,0:31:46.110
saying to me, that I was not
enough.

0:31:48.850,0:31:51.640
So again, if a child... Let's go
back to the abandonment. If the

0:31:51.640,0:31:55.330
child feels that it didn't get
enough and it won't get enough.

0:31:56.080,0:31:59.740
Than that child might turn into
an adult that feels a certain

0:31:59.740,0:32:03.940
level of despair. "Why try? I'm
not gonna get it. I never got

0:32:03.940,0:32:08.710
it. I never will get it..." And
to some extent, children,

0:32:09.250,0:32:13.810
although they protest things
that are uncomfortable, they

0:32:13.810,0:32:19.540
learn that that's home: physical
home, emotional home,

0:32:20.020,0:32:26.380
psychological home. Those
feelings are familiar to me. I

0:32:26.380,0:32:30.700
survived them. They didn't kill
me. And I know how to handle

0:32:30.700,0:32:36.760
them. So there can be a natural
attraction to the emotional

0:32:36.760,0:32:40.240
climate that a child grew up
with. Whether or not it's

0:32:40.270,0:32:42.790
dysfunctional, whether or not
it's toxic, even.

0:32:44.430,0:32:47.760
Whether or not it's good for
you, there's a familiarity about

0:32:47.760,0:32:48.260
it.

0:32:49.830,0:32:54.510
So those are reasons why we
would come to recreate similar

0:32:54.510,0:32:58.230
situations that we grew up with
in our adult lives.

0:33:00.250,0:33:01.540
But what's the compulsion?

0:33:03.040,0:33:08.740
And the compulsion is about that
positive intention in you that

0:33:08.740,0:33:12.070
really wants to get it. It's
left over from back there, back

0:33:12.070,0:33:15.550
in the baseline. When you had a
task and you needed to perform

0:33:15.550,0:33:20.320
this. That is a driving force on
a spiritual level that tells you

0:33:20.320,0:33:26.710
there's something to do. But it
doesn't tell you what. So we

0:33:27.070,0:33:31.990
invent the reason-- we use our
powers of creativity, our powers

0:33:31.990,0:33:35.320
of interpretation, we look
around and say, "what does all

0:33:35.320,0:33:37.540
this mean?" And we take
information and we put it

0:33:37.540,0:33:46.210
together as best we can. And try
to make a life that fulfills us.

0:33:47.980,0:33:52.750
But the compulsion includes the
desire to overcome the

0:33:52.750,0:33:57.010
distortion. Now, if you notice
I'm not being specific here. And

0:33:57.010,0:33:59.200
the reason I'm not being
specific (and the reason these

0:33:59.200,0:34:02.440
teleconferences are are nice) but
they're not really the the

0:34:02.500,0:34:07.030
gut-level work that needs to be
done. Every single person's

0:34:07.030,0:34:13.570
situation is different. So I
can't give specific examples at

0:34:13.570,0:34:20.110
length because your situation
and mine and his' and her's and

0:34:20.110,0:34:25.840
their's are all different. I
remember in one of the last

0:34:25.840,0:34:29.710
lectures that I was working
with, the questions kept saying,

0:34:30.130,0:34:33.430
"but... but... but, just tell
me! You know... just tell me what

0:34:33.430,0:34:36.490
it's like or what to do or isn't
this the truth?" And the Guide

0:34:36.490,0:34:40.120
is very good at batting that
back and saying: you can't make

0:34:40.120,0:34:46.000
generalizations. Again, I want
to draw the distinction there.

0:34:46.270,0:34:50.410
That in the spirit perspective,
in the spiritual perspective,

0:34:51.820,0:34:53.770
there is no answer.

0:34:55.300,0:34:57.010
There is no solution.

0:34:58.330,0:35:00.100
There is no right or wrong

0:35:02.140,0:35:05.080
We are the answer. We are the
solution.

0:35:06.760,0:35:08.380
And there is right and wrong.

0:35:10.220,0:35:13.850
But, again, if what we're doing
is bringing out a manifestation

0:35:13.850,0:35:17.960
(like a seed we carry within us)
and we're trying to find good

0:35:17.990,0:35:22.550
earth to plant that seed in so
it can flower into...egggh! Then

0:35:23.960,0:35:28.310
difficulties in our lives
actually offer us our best

0:35:28.310,0:35:32.000
opportunity to address that
distortion.

0:35:34.700,0:35:38.660
So let me go back and be a bit
more specific in terms of the

0:35:38.660,0:35:39.160
lecture.

0:35:40.560,0:35:48.150
So, the parents have given you
genetic material. They've given

0:35:48.150,0:35:53.700
you a family culture, a village
culture, a nation culture, a

0:35:53.700,0:35:58.740
time reference, what century
you're born in, what portion of

0:35:58.740,0:36:01.770
the segment you're born in. What
generation are you? Generation

0:36:01.770,0:36:06.870
X, baby boomer, etc. All that
comes naturally to you from the

0:36:06.870,0:36:11.460
time that you arrived here. And
you received influences from

0:36:11.460,0:36:15.090
your parents, and feedback from
your parents on who you were,

0:36:15.480,0:36:20.550
before you were completely able
to hold those subjective

0:36:20.580,0:36:25.320
opinions. And all opinions are
subjective. Some are based on a

0:36:25.320,0:36:28.740
lot of objective criteria. But
ultimately, we pick and choose

0:36:28.740,0:36:34.110
what we listen to. So you took
the feedback that you got from

0:36:34.110,0:36:38.040
your parents about who you were.
And you took it in during a time

0:36:38.040,0:36:42.450
period, but you didn't have a
lot of structure in your life,

0:36:42.630,0:36:47.910
independent of your family so
that you could create a context

0:36:47.940,0:36:48.540
for this.

0:36:50.820,0:36:53.520
So for instance, if your parents
were saying, "Oh, what a pretty

0:36:53.520,0:36:57.300
baby!" Well, pretty is quite
relative. You could be ordinary

0:36:57.300,0:37:00.810
looking. And if somebody loves
you, you're gorgeous! You can be

0:37:00.810,0:37:05.880
ugly. And if somebody loves you,
you're gorgeous! Okay? Now you

0:37:05.880,0:37:08.910
may accept that and think that
you're very, very attractive and

0:37:08.910,0:37:12.750
go out in the world say, "I'm
attractive!" And if the energy

0:37:12.750,0:37:16.950
in that is clean, then you may
get responses from other people

0:37:17.460,0:37:21.030
that say, "Yeah, you are!" A lot
of times people are reacting to

0:37:21.030,0:37:25.260
our energy rather than an
objective set of effects.

0:37:26.220,0:37:32.040
However, when you go into the
modeling agency or the acting

0:37:32.040,0:37:37.950
auditions, and you ask for a
job. At that point, you may come

0:37:37.950,0:37:44.160
up against societal standards
for attractiveness that you

0:37:44.160,0:37:49.500
don't meet. Now, every once in a
while, you find a person whose a

0:37:49.500,0:37:53.820
game changer. They come in and
they get the part or become

0:37:53.820,0:37:56.970
famous. And suddenly we say
we'll include that in our

0:37:57.000,0:38:01.080
version of attractive. We'll
widen our sense of what is

0:38:01.080,0:38:05.070
attractive to include that
person. But for a lot of us the

0:38:05.070,0:38:09.720
experience is "not good enough."
I don't care what your mom told

0:38:09.720,0:38:14.880
you. You don't sing that well.
You don't look that good. You're

0:38:14.880,0:38:17.940
not what we're looking for.
You're not our idea of

0:38:17.940,0:38:22.050
attractive." So what I'm
building here is whatever

0:38:22.080,0:38:25.590
influences your parents gave
you, then there's a secondary

0:38:25.590,0:38:29.610
way of where society gives you
feedback also, which may agree

0:38:29.610,0:38:33.600
with what your parents told you
or disagree. And as you walk

0:38:33.600,0:38:36.780
through all these swinging doors
and go down this...I think of a

0:38:37.230,0:38:41.550
Pachinko machine. Where what
happens with a Pachinko machine

0:38:41.550,0:38:45.000
is not like pinball, you've got
50 balls that are dumped on you

0:38:45.000,0:38:48.000
and all the levers are going.
And you're wildly trying to

0:38:48.000,0:38:50.910
control these balls to get the
best score! But it's impossible.

0:38:50.910,0:38:53.610
There's too many balls! That's
what life can feel like

0:38:53.610,0:38:59.160
sometimes. So we go through
childhood, which is--for most of

0:38:59.160,0:39:01.680
us-- not very controllable. And
then we go through puberty,

0:39:01.680,0:39:04.740
which is also not very
controllable. And then we hit

0:39:05.400,0:39:09.060
our 20s, where we're finally
able to go out there and do

0:39:09.060,0:39:12.480
something. And there's an
explosion of energy in the 20s,

0:39:12.480,0:39:16.800
which is natural and wonderful
and great! And then there's the

0:39:16.800,0:39:21.690
30s, where there's some
stabilization. And what's been

0:39:21.690,0:39:24.750
true in the past, although as we
spiritually grow, perhaps this

0:39:24.780,0:39:28.890
age will advance forward. And
there's a place in the 40s where

0:39:28.890,0:39:34.410
you say, "Whoops, what was I
thinking?" Now, on a pop

0:39:34.410,0:39:40.440
psychology viewpoint, you can
then turn to your mate and say,

0:39:40.530,0:39:42.630
"Oh my god, I married my
mother!"

0:39:45.150,0:39:49.320
Okay. And you may at that point,
make a change.

0:39:50.620,0:39:57.400
What the lecture is inviting is
that may be true. You may have

0:40:00.190,0:40:03.790
married your mother. I'm trying
to translate that into spiritual

0:40:03.790,0:40:09.160
terms... You may have had a
forcing current in you that

0:40:09.160,0:40:14.290
wanted to complete something
with your mother. Whether that

0:40:14.290,0:40:17.530
was about getting acceptance or
showing you how good you were.

0:40:17.800,0:40:23.080
Or helping her, being supportive
to someone. So you had a

0:40:23.080,0:40:26.320
leftover forcing current from
your mom. Just picking

0:40:26.320,0:40:30.160
examples... a leftover forcing
current from your mom and you

0:40:30.160,0:40:34.450
see a person who fits that.
They're holding the other half

0:40:34.450,0:40:38.290
of your forcing current. They
are saying, "you could do that

0:40:38.290,0:40:38.790
with me."

0:40:40.480,0:40:41.830
And so, you get together.

0:40:43.210,0:40:45.910
And it may work for three
months. And it may work for 30

0:40:45.910,0:40:47.260
years. It doesn't really matter.

0:40:49.420,0:40:52.300
What the lecture is saying is:
ultimately, if you're working

0:40:52.570,0:40:56.830
with a current that's coming
from childhood, ultimately this

0:40:56.830,0:41:01.030
must fail. And it fails for
three reasons.

0:41:02.980,0:41:10.360
Number one, you can't fix the
needs of your childhood by

0:41:10.360,0:41:14.590
enacting things in a certain way
when you're 25, 30, 35 years old,

0:41:15.190,0:41:20.410
15, whatever age, Those needs,
those unmet needs, those

0:41:20.410,0:41:23.920
distortions, those forcing
currents, those battles that you

0:41:23.920,0:41:26.020
fought as a child, they're back
there.

0:41:29.270,0:41:35.090
And the person that you're
working with is today. So even

0:41:35.090,0:41:39.620
if you technically,
superficially win the battle, it

0:41:39.620,0:41:45.650
doesn't change the past. And so
what happens is we continue. It

0:41:45.650,0:41:50.990
doesn't make us feel fully
satisfied. It will never make us

0:41:50.990,0:41:56.240
feel fully satisfied. So that's
number one: the problem's in the

0:41:56.240,0:42:02.300
past not in the present. And the
joke and the image that I use on

0:42:02.300,0:42:05.840
that is an old vaudeville joke.
So in the old vaudeville stage

0:42:05.840,0:42:11.660
joke where you have a light
pole. And you've got a guy down

0:42:11.660,0:42:13.820
on his hands and knees at the
light pole. And another guy

0:42:13.820,0:42:15.800
comes along and h says, "what
are you looking for?" He says,

0:42:15.800,0:42:19.910
"I lost a dollar." And the guy
says, "where'd you lose it?" And

0:42:19.910,0:42:22.850
the man points to the other side
of the stage and says, "over

0:42:22.850,0:42:28.220
there." And his friend says, "why
aren't you looking over there?"

0:42:28.550,0:42:33.350
He says, "the light's better
over here." To some extent,

0:42:33.470,0:42:39.020
because we're trying to resolve
the situation, we're going to go

0:42:39.020,0:42:46.880
for to some degree of obvious.
We're going to try to solve the

0:42:46.880,0:42:52.310
childhood battles with some
similar elements of the battle

0:42:52.310,0:42:55.100
that we had. Which is why
you're going to repeat picking

0:42:55.130,0:42:59.750
one of your parents as an
adversary in this situation of

0:42:59.750,0:43:05.900
resolution. Now, second problem
with that is that the other

0:43:05.900,0:43:10.250
person is not that parent. They
have a whole different criteria.

0:43:10.550,0:43:14.210
They came from a different
family! They may look like,

0:43:14.570,0:43:19.580
energetically look like, they're
ready to meet you there. But

0:43:19.580,0:43:23.120
they can't. Once again, the
battle's from the past with

0:43:23.120,0:43:28.250
specific individuals. This is a
different individual. With, not

0:43:28.250,0:43:31.400
only freewill, but with a
different task than the person

0:43:31.400,0:43:34.730
that you imagine you're trying
to work out a distortion around.

0:43:36.050,0:43:39.380
So problem number one is the
actual problem was in the past.

0:43:39.650,0:43:42.500
Problem number two is that in
the present, you're not dealing

0:43:42.500,0:43:48.500
with that person. Now, even if
you dealt today with your

0:43:48.500,0:43:53.000
parent, they are not the same
person they used to be.

0:43:53.000,0:44:00.140
So not only have you grown up 30
odd years. So have they!

0:44:01.980,0:44:04.890
And when you try to resolve
childhood stuff with someone

0:44:04.890,0:44:10.620
who's 30 years older and either
more mature, wiser, or not

0:44:10.620,0:44:15.270
interested or off on another
adventure and not too interested

0:44:15.270,0:44:18.450
in going back to the old stuff,
you're not dealing with the

0:44:18.450,0:44:22.260
actual situation. You are
working with a re-creation, if

0:44:22.260,0:44:28.470
you're trying to work out that
battle in the present day. And

0:44:28.470,0:44:34.770
the third thing that happens is
that you're acting as if, "if I

0:44:34.770,0:44:40.680
get my way, everything will be
okay." When the truth is from a

0:44:40.680,0:44:47.220
spiritual perspective, if you
got your way, you'd just do it

0:44:47.220,0:44:54.270
again. Because getting your way
is not a alignment with

0:44:54.270,0:44:57.510
spiritual principles. I'm
talking... I'm presuming,

0:44:57.540,0:44:59.430
"getting my way" is in
distortion, rather than

0:44:59.490,0:45:04.500
exercising and developing my
ego. In other words, if I need

0:45:04.500,0:45:08.940
to "get my way" to prove I'm a
person. One of the ways to deal

0:45:08.940,0:45:11.520
with this is to take a list of
spiritual principles. And

0:45:11.520,0:45:14.250
there's a quickie list. It's not
everything, but it's a useful

0:45:14.250,0:45:17.100
list of spiritual principles
that I used to teach with. It's

0:45:17.100,0:45:22.020
called PC 10. It's on the
internet. It comes... it's

0:45:22.500,0:45:26.370
pulled from a very large number
of lectures. But what's nice

0:45:26.370,0:45:30.690
about that is you can go down
that list and say "I need to

0:45:30.690,0:45:34.200
win"--what spiritual law am I
breaking? And trust me, you'll

0:45:34.200,0:45:37.440
find one! In fact, you're going
to find you're violating a lot

0:45:37.440,0:45:41.400
of spiritual laws. "If I get my
way" violates the law of

0:45:41.400,0:45:45.210
brotherhood. "If I get my"
...and I won't go into it, but

0:45:45.210,0:45:48.030
it violates all of them! It's
just a matter of degree.

0:45:48.780,0:45:52.740
Caller: Jan? ...Yeah? This is Laila. Hi.
I'm sorry, could you repeat that?

0:45:52.770,0:45:53.340
Caller: What's the name of that one?

0:45:53.340,0:45:57.930
The name of that is called PC
10, which means Pathworkers

0:45:57.960,0:46:03.090
Contribution #10. And it's in
the additional materials on the

0:46:03.090,0:46:06.570
internet. And it's on my
website. And I handed out like

0:46:06.570,0:46:09.600
sticks of chewing gum all the
time! Because for one page

0:46:09.600,0:46:14.370
document, it's all powerful
spiritual experience! And it

0:46:14.370,0:46:17.700
lists nine. And I tease
sometimes, that they might have

0:46:17.700,0:46:19.770
put 10! But they thought, "oh
god, that looks like the 10

0:46:19.770,0:46:25.620
commandments!" They're not laws.
They call them principles. And

0:46:25.620,0:46:30.210
the invitation is to see where
your desires conflict with

0:46:30.210,0:46:36.840
spiritual reality. "Spiritual
 reality" meaning we're all one,

0:46:36.840,0:46:41.070
we're all in this together.
I help you, you help me. Getting

0:46:41.070,0:46:45.440
my way only works when my
way assists you in getting your

0:46:45.520,0:46:51.900
way. But when "my way" means I'm 
happy and I don't really care

0:46:51.900,0:46:57.690
about you! That violates spiritual law. So these principles

0:46:57.690,0:47:04.920
are useful for highlighting what
your distortion might be like.

0:47:04.920,0:47:16.470
Does that answer your question?
Yeah, yeah, thank you. So, the first part is that you're

0:47:16.470,0:47:19.590
bringing this from the past forward. And that's not going to make you feel good.

0:47:19.590,0:47:23.160
You're never going to resolve that hurt. You may get over it. You may release it.

0:47:23.160,0:47:26.440
You may heal it. You may lovingly hold it and relax it

0:47:26.440,0:47:32.220
until it's not an issue. But you can't fix it. It can't be fixed.

0:47:34.980,0:47:39.040
Secondly, the person you're enacting with is not the person that created the original hurt.

0:47:40.590,0:47:43.500
And thirdly, from a spiritual
perspective, you're not supposed

0:47:43.500,0:47:48.270
to fix it. You're supposed to
look at it. You're supposed to

0:47:48.270,0:47:52.410
realize that you're not getting
anywhere. And sit down and try

0:47:52.410,0:47:55.530
to find out what is the false
belief that I'm working with.

0:47:57.810,0:48:00.030
Now from a spiritual
perspective, it just sounds a

0:48:00.030,0:48:06.240
little esoteric. So let's go for
abandonment. If that child takes

0:48:06.240,0:48:11.010
that in--and because of their
mix of task and spirit and

0:48:11.310,0:48:17.250
10,000 other factors-- decides
that there is no hope. Then that

0:48:17.250,0:48:20.670
child can go through life
believing, "I will never get my

0:48:20.670,0:48:26.340
needs met." But people don't go
through life simply saying, "I

0:48:26.340,0:48:32.310
won't get any. That's okay. I
don't care..." That's just not

0:48:32.310,0:48:36.330
human nature! So what's going to
happen is there's going to, at

0:48:36.330,0:48:39.480
some point, be some protest
about that. There's going to be

0:48:39.480,0:48:45.960
a sense of feeling fed up! And
wanting to get your share of

0:48:45.960,0:48:50.820
what is available. Now, if I mix
in spiritual law with this...

0:48:51.840,0:48:57.270
Number one, you were not
actually abandoned. You're

0:48:57.300,0:49:04.680
invited by the parent (that you
chose) to allow the fact that

0:49:04.680,0:49:10.140
you believe there is abandonment
to come to the surface.

0:49:15.580,0:49:18.400
So, I'm going to start over and
go in a different direction. And

0:49:18.400,0:49:21.130
I'll show you how vastly
different this could be. So in

0:49:21.130,0:49:24.340
the first case, the child feels
abandoned. And it tries to it

0:49:24.340,0:49:28.900
tries to resign. It tries to not
care. It tries to just put up

0:49:28.900,0:49:32.770
with crumbs on the table. But
I've never met anybody that

0:49:32.770,0:49:39.550
really believes that 24/7 the
rest of their life. Okay. So

0:49:39.550,0:49:44.320
there's a dynamic that starts
there based on a belief in

0:49:44.320,0:49:49.180
abandonment. If you go back from
a spiritual perspective, the

0:49:49.180,0:49:56.440
parent chosen because they could
not meet all your needs, is in

0:49:56.440,0:50:00.160
effect, giving you this
experience. Because that belief

0:50:00.160,0:50:05.350
"that there won't be enough for
me" was already in you. That is

0:50:05.350,0:50:10.330
one of your distortions. What
principle...what spiritual law

0:50:10.360,0:50:12.640
does that break? I didn't bring
the list. I don't have it in

0:50:12.640,0:50:16.690
front of me. But let's say it
breaks the law of brotherhood.

0:50:18.779,0:50:20.000
And by that, I mean it can't be
real.

0:50:20.000,0:50:24.950
In the law of brotherhood, we
are all children of God. We are

0:50:24.950,0:50:29.570
all divine beings. We are all
equally important. We may not be

0:50:29.570,0:50:34.040
as equally developed. But we're
equally important in the

0:50:34.040,0:50:34.670
universe.

0:50:36.430,0:50:38.920
And the law of brotherhood says:
there is no abandonment, you're

0:50:38.920,0:50:42.610
surrounded by angels. You're
surrounded by spirits. We, you

0:50:42.610,0:50:46.510
know, we brought you here with
love. So you could learn that

0:50:46.510,0:50:51.460
this feeling that it is possible
to be abandoned cannot be true.

0:50:52.630,0:50:56.020
And as you go on your life,
perhaps the learning in that

0:50:56.020,0:51:02.710
case would be, "I do have
enough." I don't mean to make

0:51:02.710,0:51:09.070
light of this. But that's why
little snippets of culture

0:51:09.790,0:51:13.960
really stick in our minds. And
what just came to me at that

0:51:13.960,0:51:17.230
moment, was Dorothy clicking
her heels and saying, "there's

0:51:17.230,0:51:22.630
no place like home." There's a
reason that movie was so

0:51:22.630,0:51:29.200
popular. There's a place in us
that knows that the answer is

0:51:29.200,0:51:33.670
inside. And as we go around,
trying to create it on the

0:51:33.670,0:51:37.390
outside, we're, in effect, to
some degree, wasting our time.

0:51:39.850,0:51:43.300
And if you look at almost-- I
haven't looked at every

0:51:43.300,0:51:45.730
civilization, but I've looked at
a lot of them and they're all

0:51:45.730,0:51:48.670
saying the same thing. There's
no place like home.

0:51:50.130,0:51:51.330
Love is in your heart.

0:51:54.510,0:51:58.380
And you create based on what
you're willing to create.

0:51:59.740,0:52:02.590
That is cultural belief system
that I believe goes back to the

0:52:03.850,0:52:08.230
people knowing spiritual truths.
And then having to deal with the

0:52:08.230,0:52:13.570
craziness of reality, which
argues with you. Now, I'm going

0:52:13.570,0:52:16.300
to go back to the abandonment.
The child's in the crib, the

0:52:16.450,0:52:19.120
same thing. But this child has a
different task and a different

0:52:19.120,0:52:23.170
distortion. So this child
doesn't get its needs met. And

0:52:23.170,0:52:29.980
it says, "how do I get my needs
met?" And I remember an

0:52:29.980,0:52:33.850
interview with Robin Williams
and they said, "how did you

0:52:33.850,0:52:41.140
develop this rapid-fire, never
stop insane ability to... to... to

0:52:41.140,0:52:44.980
generate all this humor?" And he
said he used to entertain his

0:52:44.980,0:52:56.890
mother because she was ill. And
from that desire to be loving,

0:52:57.790,0:53:03.580
to be a support for... to take a
loved one's mind off their pain.

0:53:04.120,0:53:09.130
From that place, came a
development of skill. A place

0:53:09.130,0:53:12.400
where his mind, like little
mushrooms, grew places to put

0:53:12.400,0:53:17.410
all this ability, to be creative
and funny and fascinating! That

0:53:17.410,0:53:23.140
he was later able to turn into a
foundation stone for his later

0:53:23.140,0:53:28.240
success. So a child that feels
abandoned and feels like "if I

0:53:28.240,0:53:34.180
just did this or just did that"
will go into an activity of some

0:53:34.210,0:53:38.620
type with a lot more zest and
enthusiasm. Because what's

0:53:38.620,0:53:41.830
really happening, is they think
that their life is at stake. "I

0:53:41.860,0:53:46.150
have to be smart!" And what a
child will do is it will find

0:53:46.150,0:53:54.910
some place where it can excel or
be seen or bring recognition.

0:53:56.820,0:53:59.760
Now, you can feel this splitting
off into several areas. There

0:53:59.760,0:54:02.940
will also be a place, where if,
a child has no positive place to

0:54:02.940,0:54:06.570
put its energy, it will put its
energy into negativity. It will

0:54:06.570,0:54:10.050
act out. It will become a rebel,
a juvenile delinquent. A

0:54:10.050,0:54:16.320
problem. Because human nature is
that we need to be looked at. We

0:54:16.320,0:54:22.170
need to be talked to. We need to
matter, even if that attention

0:54:22.200,0:54:27.870
is negative, at least it's
something. So just from that one

0:54:27.870,0:54:32.490
tiny example, perhaps you can
see where--depending on the

0:54:32.490,0:54:36.420
distortion that the soul is
trying to resolve and the

0:54:36.420,0:54:41.160
situation that it has created for
itself, you can go off in

0:54:42.000,0:54:47.730
millions of directions given the
same circumstances, with the

0:54:47.730,0:54:53.190
same parents. And the reason it
is specifically unique, is we

0:54:53.190,0:54:57.690
don't always know the forcing
current, the compelling force in

0:54:57.690,0:55:03.870
that spirit and what it needs to
both manifest and resolve. So if

0:55:03.870,0:55:07.260
we take the title of this
lecture, which I'm not saying

0:55:07.260,0:55:11.280
it's negative, I love the title
of this lecture. But there it

0:55:11.280,0:55:16.710
tends to use words that we can
give negative context to. So the

0:55:16.740,0:55:21.240
"Compulsion to Recreate and
Overcome Childhood Hurts"...the

0:55:21.240,0:55:31.350
positive aspect of that is the
divine force compels us to get

0:55:31.350,0:55:36.030
this. No matter how many times
it takes. No matter how much

0:55:36.120,0:55:43.020
effort it takes. We need to see
our distortion. Meet it face to

0:55:43.020,0:55:47.280
face. Hold it right up next to
us. To feel the pain and

0:55:47.280,0:55:55.620
experience where this is not a
solution. Until the day we are

0:55:55.680,0:56:02.520
able and willing to truly,
without being in mask, to truly

0:56:03.000,0:56:04.140
relax and let go.

0:56:06.750,0:56:09.450
That's a longer sentence than
"Compulsion to Recreate Overcome

0:56:09.450,0:56:12.330
Childhood Hurts" but that's why
I love the title! It says it

0:56:12.330,0:56:12.830
quite well.

0:56:15.390,0:56:22.020
So from a spiritual perspective,
the distortions that we create

0:56:22.410,0:56:26.340
in terms of being in the wrong
place. And by "wrong place" I

0:56:26.340,0:56:30.990
mean, we're in a place that is
not in our best interest but we

0:56:30.990,0:56:34.200
have decided that we can succeed
here and success is important.

0:56:34.560,0:56:37.980
Success is more important than
happiness. That's a distortion.

0:56:40.710,0:56:44.370
If we choose someone for
qualities that are superficial.

0:56:45.750,0:56:49.230
Because we need to look good.
That's a distortion You don't

0:56:49.230,0:56:51.840
want to be with somebody just
because they have artificial

0:56:51.840,0:56:57.810
qualities that other people
admire. There are too many

0:56:57.810,0:57:02.100
examples for me to list here of
all the ways where we may reach

0:57:02.100,0:57:07.110
out to someone and not be in
truth about that person. But

0:57:07.110,0:57:11.460
actually be in the grip of a
childhood compulsion that we

0:57:11.460,0:57:15.180
need to resolve. And what we're
basically saying is "if" we

0:57:15.180,0:57:18.330
enter a relationship in
distortion (not always that

0:57:18.330,0:57:23.340
way). But "if" we enter a
relationship in distortion, this

0:57:23.340,0:57:24.600
is one of the key places to
look.

0:57:26.550,0:57:33.480
That by looking at the childhood
hurts--the places where we did

0:57:33.480,0:57:38.820
not feel we were met, where we
were not seen, where we did not

0:57:38.820,0:57:42.810
have the opportunity to be
divinely beautiful the way we

0:57:42.810,0:57:49.470
naturally are. That all those
things don't fade away. They

0:57:49.470,0:57:54.780
simply go underground. And then
they begin to resurface as we

0:57:54.780,0:57:55.950
walk through life.

0:57:58.720,0:58:02.950
So, perhaps you can understand
that I spent a lot of time

0:58:03.280,0:58:07.780
trying to put this in context.
Because the simple fact that you

0:58:07.780,0:58:11.200
marry your mother is just not
very juicy. It's Oedipal. It's

0:58:11.200,0:58:15.430
interesting. People do that all
the time. But to understand the

0:58:15.430,0:58:19.270
deeper significance of that,
that's where the Guide says, in

0:58:19.270,0:58:21.610
a later lecture when he talks
about the relationship between

0:58:21.610,0:58:24.670
man and woman, he talks about
marriage and divorce. And he

0:58:24.670,0:58:27.850
says you need to understand why
you are where you are.

0:58:29.610,0:58:33.870
Because if you don't understand
what you've done, you're going

0:58:33.870,0:58:38.730
to repeat it. So this is the
common phrase of "if you do not

0:58:38.760,0:58:44.490
understand history, you are
destined to repeat it." And the

0:58:44.490,0:58:49.470
spiritual reality inside that is
that this compulsion is divine.

0:58:49.560,0:58:55.860
This need... this task that we
have assigned ourselves is the

0:58:55.860,0:59:01.740
most important thing we have to
do. And until we meet it and

0:59:01.740,0:59:07.860
resolve it, we will be driven by
it. One of the things about

0:59:07.860,0:59:16.680
spirituality is that sometimes I
feel I just read the lecture and

0:59:16.710,0:59:20.970
it's it's all in there. But
where I can perhaps be helpful

0:59:21.210,0:59:25.440
sometimes is that I've read a
large portion of them. And it's

0:59:25.440,0:59:29.040
hard to know where to read and
what to find. And so what I'm

0:59:29.040,0:59:32.160
trying to do in these
teleconferences is I'm trying to

0:59:32.160,0:59:35.550
encourage you to read the
lectures. But if you read one

0:59:35.550,0:59:38.400
that's not relevant to you, it
can be a little dry and dusty

0:59:38.400,0:59:41.280
and leave a bad taste in your
mouth. And you might walk away.

0:59:41.760,0:59:45.930
So I'm trying to bring in
context that I have learned that

0:59:45.930,0:59:52.320
helped me to understand the
depth of this lecture. So in

0:59:52.320,0:59:56.100
another lecture on New Age
Marriage and Man and Woman, the

0:59:56.100,0:59:59.580
Guide talks about divorce. And
says, yes, sometimes that is

0:59:59.580,1:00:03.060
appropriate. There are no right
and wrongs. There are no

1:00:03.060,1:00:06.810
absolutes. Yes, sometimes that
is not appropriate. But the

1:00:06.810,1:00:10.980
question to be asked is this--
there was a reason for the

1:00:10.980,1:00:17.280
relationship. If you simply
terminate the relationship and

1:00:17.280,1:00:22.710
you have not found the
underlying forces that caused

1:00:22.710,1:00:27.060
you to link up with someone who
is truly not appropriate for

1:00:27.060,1:00:31.440
you, in your stage of
development, then you will

1:00:31.440,1:00:34.860
naturally lumber on and perhaps
do it again.

1:00:36.220,1:00:42.070
So there's a 12-Step phrase,
which is useful here. And that

1:00:42.070,1:00:46.270
is "never let yourself get too
hungry or too tired or too

1:00:46.270,1:00:51.010
desperate." Because when you're
in a situation of great need,

1:00:51.220,1:00:56.590
you lose your sense of
discernment. You'll eat junk

1:00:56.590,1:01:01.000
food. You'll be with an
inappropriate person. Because

1:01:01.000,1:01:05.890
the loneliness or the hunger or
the pain of where you are is so

1:01:05.890,1:01:11.320
great that you need immediate
relief. And you may not be as

1:01:11.320,1:01:15.340
careful as you might be. So, if
you've gotten into a

1:01:15.340,1:01:21.340
relationship out of some level
of desperation... that may be

1:01:21.340,1:01:25.480
true. It may be an inappropriate
relationship. It may not be a

1:01:25.480,1:01:29.710
relationship that can flower.
But the work that we do in

1:01:29.710,1:01:36.220
Pathwork process is you look at
where were you? How did you, how

1:01:36.220,1:01:39.670
did you get to a place where you
would make a choice like that?

1:01:40.390,1:01:45.730
How did you not see the signs
coming? What are you ignorant of

1:01:45.880,1:01:49.810
about your nature? What are you
in denial of? Or what are you

1:01:49.810,1:01:55.450
unconscious about that you would
not see this train wreck coming?

1:01:57.610,1:02:02.800
The second question to ask is,
is this person inappropriate? Or

1:02:02.800,1:02:08.200
perhaps, you are not willing to
do what it takes to meet this

1:02:08.200,1:02:14.080
person. So again, from a divine
standpoint, every person you

1:02:14.080,1:02:21.970
meet is perfect, if you knew
what the task was. And to walk

1:02:21.970,1:02:26.590
away from a relationship because
it doesn't suit you or does not

1:02:26.590,1:02:31.000
seem to serve you, may mean that
you'll have to do that numerous

1:02:31.000,1:02:37.210
times! Because you're looking
for the wrong thing. And what

1:02:37.210,1:02:40.450
Pathwork invites you to do, what
the lecture on relationship

1:02:40.450,1:02:46.480
invites you to do is to pause.
Just pause. Breathe.

1:02:48.490,1:02:54.010
And see if you can, now, see
forcing currents in you that you

1:02:54.010,1:02:59.920
may not have seen six months
ago? A year ago? 10 years ago?

1:03:02.540,1:03:08.540
That a place of pain, as in any
breakup of relationship brings

1:03:08.540,1:03:13.010
to the surface things, that may
not have been apparent before.

1:03:13.250,1:03:17.690
So it's a little bit like
detoxing. Okay...or literally

1:03:17.690,1:03:22.160
vomiting up. You may not have
seen it before, but now it's all

1:03:22.160,1:03:26.000
out there on the table. Your
behavior, your inability to

1:03:26.060,1:03:29.960
communicate, your resentment.
There's a lot on the table. And

1:03:29.960,1:03:35.240
it doesn't all belong to the
other party in the relationship

1:03:35.870,1:03:40.280
engine. Some things belonged to
that person, but not everything.

1:03:42.440,1:03:48.020
And if you can pause there and
reflect. And go through the

1:03:48.020,1:03:50.870
different dynamics in the
relationship and try to have a

1:03:50.870,1:03:55.490
clearer understanding of where
you were coming from. Were you

1:03:55.490,1:03:59.660
coming from distortion? Or were
you coming from a very clear and

1:03:59.660,1:04:05.450
enlightened place? Why would a
clear and enlightened person

1:04:05.510,1:04:09.290
take up with somebody who isn't
clear and enlightened? Maybe you

1:04:09.290,1:04:15.320
wanted to help. That's great.
But did the other party have an

1:04:15.350,1:04:20.600
equal desire to be helped? Or
are you working on a forcing

1:04:20.600,1:04:25.310
current from childhood, where
you gave yourself a sense of

1:04:25.310,1:04:32.840
purpose by helping? And that may
cloud your judgment. And you may

1:04:32.840,1:04:35.690
not see what the other person is
not as committed to being helped

1:04:35.690,1:04:42.380
as you are to help him. I speak
this from trying to find a

1:04:42.440,1:04:48.920
positive place in both parties,
where they are enacting their

1:04:48.920,1:04:55.610
spiritual tasks. And they have
become magnetized together. And

1:04:55.610,1:04:58.760
that if they pull apart and
don't look at the situation

1:04:58.760,1:05:02.330
carefully, they'll just
magnetize back into another

1:05:02.330,1:05:05.870
relationship without having
resolved it. But in the place

1:05:05.870,1:05:09.080
where you realize, where
awareness has come, I am in a

1:05:09.080,1:05:15.230
dysfunctional situation. And you
put it all on the table and you

1:05:15.230,1:05:19.040
look at it. And there's a
possibility that you could have

1:05:19.040,1:05:21.500
been looking at things from a
skewed perspective. And if you

1:05:21.500,1:05:26.120
shift your perspective around,
you may be able to see something

1:05:26.960,1:05:31.640
from a different angle. You may
be able to learn something about

1:05:31.640,1:05:34.550
yourself. You may be able to
learn something about the

1:05:34.550,1:05:36.500
currents that have moved you in
your life because your

1:05:36.500,1:05:39.680
relationship is not the only
place this is going to show up!

1:05:41.930,1:05:49.880
If you take the idea of marrying
your mother, and you in effect,

1:05:50.420,1:05:56.210
your profession mirrors that
same thing. If your mother was a

1:05:56.210,1:05:59.600
strong person who believed that
you must go out and help the

1:05:59.600,1:06:00.100
community.

1:06:01.380,1:06:05.700
And you grow up and you become a
community worker. Is that

1:06:05.700,1:06:12.270
completely you? Or is that a
desire to manifest your mom's

1:06:12.270,1:06:16.740
values? That's not a bad thing.
That's a great thing! And... and

1:06:16.740,1:06:21.120
that's a powerful motivating
force! Unless.... that's not

1:06:21.120,1:06:24.960
what you want to do. What if
you'd rather be a research

1:06:24.960,1:06:30.300
scientist? And what if, in being
a research scientist, you could

1:06:30.300,1:06:36.180
find a depth of inner peace that
would enable you to go through

1:06:36.180,1:06:41.100
your spiritual tasks like a hot
knife through butter? So as long

1:06:41.100,1:06:45.300
as you're a community organizer,
you're not doing that. You're

1:06:45.300,1:06:47.460
involved with people. And
there's a lot of details. And

1:06:47.460,1:06:50.100
there's a lot of politics. And
there's a lot of going out and

1:06:50.100,1:06:55.920
talking. A lot of activity...
that could, in this example,

1:06:56.610,1:07:03.090
prevent you from coming to a
place of inner stillness and

1:07:03.090,1:07:04.230
seeing what you need to see.

1:07:06.220,1:07:09.730
And that's where sometimes
following this so-called "good

1:07:09.730,1:07:14.890
life", this so-called "good
choice" actually is an attempt

1:07:15.040,1:07:21.430
to run away from the task that
some part of our being knows

1:07:21.430,1:07:26.500
we're supposed to engage with.
And sometimes you go there and

1:07:26.500,1:07:29.740
then you circle back. So there
is no right or wrong. What I'm

1:07:29.740,1:07:33.820
talking about is a place where
you come to a realization that

1:07:33.820,1:07:38.290
you are in a dysfunctional
situation of whatever kind, in

1:07:38.290,1:07:41.530
whatever level of
relationship you can invent.

1:07:43.360,1:07:46.720
Work, family, home, society,
relationship with your cat... it

1:07:46.720,1:07:47.350
doesn't matter.

1:07:48.929,1:07:53.339
I remember one time I had a cat
that after four or five years,

1:07:53.669,1:07:59.399
the sad fact was she didn't like
me. She wasn't getting her needs

1:07:59.399,1:08:04.499
met. I was not affectionate
enough. And I realized that I

1:08:04.559,1:08:08.729
had it with having to pet this
cat day and night at her

1:08:08.729,1:08:13.739
command. We simply weren't
suited. Now, that may sound

1:08:13.739,1:08:17.669
trivial to some people. But for
pet owners, perhaps, some of you

1:08:17.669,1:08:24.359
can empathize with this. I wound
up adopting her out. And it was

1:08:24.389,1:08:27.869
a went through a lot of emotions
in that because it's wrong and

1:08:27.869,1:08:30.359
you're not supposed to and I
have a lot of pet lovers and cat

1:08:30.359,1:08:35.219
lovers and even if they didn't
say we think you're wrong, they

1:08:35.219,1:08:38.909
were shocked that I would adopt
out a cat that I had for so many

1:08:38.909,1:08:43.020
years. But the truth is, we
weren't suited to each other.

1:08:44.300,1:08:48.539
And in this particular story... I didn't lock her out of the house.

1:08:48.539,1:08:54.329
I didn't send her to the pound and
I didn't kill her. We found an

1:08:54.329,1:08:57.389
adoptive home for her. And I
have a friend of mine who checks

1:08:57.389,1:09:01.379
in once a while. The cat is as happy
as she can be, wound up with a

1:09:01.379,1:09:04.919
little old lady who has nothing
to do day and night, but pet

1:09:04.919,1:09:11.699
her. She is in heaven. And the
truth is I was not suited for a

1:09:11.699,1:09:14.759
pet that needed that much
attention. Now, I'm not trying

1:09:14.759,1:09:17.459
to be childish about this. But
the truth is in human

1:09:17.459,1:09:20.669
relationships, we have competing
needs, and we have different

1:09:20.669,1:09:24.899
things that we want from each
other. And sometimes, the match

1:09:25.109,1:09:30.059
doesn't work. In my process with a
cat because of a Pathwork

1:09:30.059,1:09:34.259
Helper, I looked at the Pathwork
principles, I looked at a lot of

1:09:34.259,1:09:37.139
spiritual stuff about
brotherhood. I went down the

1:09:37.139,1:09:43.799
list with the cat! Because it's
just another manifestation. And

1:09:43.919,1:09:46.619
there was a place where I tried
to be more affectionate to her

1:09:46.619,1:09:49.709
thinking it was me. Perhaps I
withhold? Perhaps I don't give

1:09:49.709,1:09:53.279
enough of myself? Perhaps it
would do me some good to do some

1:09:53.279,1:09:57.509
cat petting, right now, instead
of working on work? But over

1:09:57.509,1:09:59.249
time, that wasn't the answer.

1:09:59.270,1:10:04.460
The cat had a personality. And
she needed a different owner.

1:10:07.270,1:10:15.880
So, that's about all I needed to
present myself. If anybody has

1:10:15.880,1:10:18.820
any questions, number one,
you're always welcome to ask! To

1:10:18.820,1:10:22.210
interrupt and ask. I have no
problem with that. Secondly,

1:10:22.210,1:10:23.500
you're welcome to ask now, if
you'd like.

1:10:27.070,1:10:32.890
Caller: Jan, would you would you
might spending a minute talking

1:10:32.920,1:10:39.100
about the connection between the
perceived, unrequited parental

1:10:39.100,1:10:45.310
love that a child has with what's
perceived as unrequited eros love

1:10:45.310,1:10:48.700
of sexuality in an adult?

1:10:51.420,1:10:53.970
Okay, I hear your question.

1:10:55.610,1:11:00.080
But I did one version of that.
So I'm going to guess that I

1:11:00.080,1:11:06.170
didn't give you what you needed.
So without asking for details,

1:11:06.650,1:11:09.500
can you ask that question again
from a more personal point of

1:11:09.500,1:11:12.020
view, just generic.

1:11:12.110,1:11:30.320
Caller: Well, the idea of the
current of eros being recognized

1:11:30.320,1:11:39.410
and this is an initial kind of
strong feeling. And then, if

1:11:39.410,1:11:48.290
that's not requited, I suppose
the usual thought of how that is

1:11:48.290,1:11:55.160
requited is through sexual
activity. But it's obviously not

1:11:57.710,1:12:07.160
complete as love. But the idea
of transformation of eros into

1:12:07.160,1:12:12.860
love, I suppose is what that is.
And then it seems to me that as

1:12:12.860,1:12:17.810
a child the unrequited parental love might have

1:12:17.810,1:12:19.000
something to do with that
confusion.

1:12:19.000,1:12:23.140
Jan: Okay, that's great. Thank
you so much because I have a

1:12:23.140,1:12:27.820
much better idea now of what you
were looking for. So one of my

1:12:27.850,1:12:32.140
"ahas" is when you're asking the
question, and check with me,

1:12:32.140,1:12:37.300
because if I'm not answering
your question, call me on it. I

1:12:37.300,1:12:43.210
hear in part of your question
whether eros can be wrong?

1:12:46.210,1:12:47.020
And my answer...

1:12:47.020,1:12:50.290
Caller: yes, that's a nicer way
of putting it.

1:12:50.500,1:12:54.880
Jan: Yeah. So I did the
teleconference on soul movements

1:12:54.880,1:12:58.930
and talked about eros at that
time. And one (oh there are...

1:12:59.680,1:13:03.310
oh, I don't know, maybe there's
50) but one of the key lectures

1:13:03.310,1:13:08.680
in Pathwork is Lecture 44, the
Forces of Love, Eros, and

1:13:08.680,1:13:12.880
Sexuilaity. So that's a good
one. But, in answer to your

1:13:12.880,1:13:18.130
question, my perception is it
eros is never wrong!

1:13:19.720,1:13:21.970
But eros can get you in a lot of
trouble.

1:13:23.880,1:13:26.670
There is a difference and I want
to speak to that. The difference

1:13:26.670,1:13:31.860
between human perception and
spiritual perception is eros is

1:13:31.860,1:13:35.310
talked of as a soul movement.
We're not talking about erotic,

1:13:36.030,1:13:39.900
which is a forcing current.
We're talking about eros. We're

1:13:39.900,1:13:42.930
talking about the place where
your heart leaps across the

1:13:42.930,1:13:48.420
room. From a spiritual
perspective, your heart leaps

1:13:48.420,1:13:54.480
across the room because that
woman has the potential to help

1:13:54.480,1:14:00.870
you work on your
distortion...She can help me by

1:14:00.870,1:14:06.450
making me feel pleasure. And I
will open my heart. But it can

1:14:06.450,1:14:14.010
also come from a desire to open
your heart in a [indescernible]

1:14:14.010,1:14:15.960
process, okay, that'll do it.

1:14:17.400,1:14:21.630
But opening your heart in a
certain way is not a full

1:14:21.630,1:14:26.220
throttled surrender to
relationship. So what I'm

1:14:26.220,1:14:30.180
describing is that eros is the
desire to get on with the

1:14:30.180,1:14:34.110
spiritual task. That's the soul
movement. "Let's go! Let's do

1:14:34.110,1:14:34.950
another chapter!"

1:14:37.230,1:14:40.000
And from that perspective, eros
can never be wrong.

1:14:40.000,1:14:48.010
Caller: Jan, hello. It's Andrea here.
Are you saying that really that

1:14:48.010,1:14:50.380
the key is to have consciousness
around it?

1:14:50.680,1:14:51.880
Jan: Yes.

1:14:51.880,1:14:54.550
Caller: So our unconsciousness
around eros and why we're drawn

1:14:54.550,1:15:00.640
to this person. Not looking at
that person as they're the

1:15:00.640,1:15:04.180
answer... they're are going to
give us what we didn't have that

1:15:05.530,1:15:09.310
expectation that comes up and
our unconscious demands on that

1:15:09.310,1:15:12.330
person...[indiscernable] perfect
person.

1:15:12.330,1:15:19.140
Jan: Yes. So your eros can lead
you down some roads that are

1:15:19.140,1:15:23.820
painful and difficult. But from
a spiritual perspective, so

1:15:23.850,1:15:30.480
what? You may need to go down
those roads and your eros knows

1:15:30.480,1:15:35.490
it. So I think of eros like having
one of those puppies that

1:15:35.490,1:15:39.090
just cannot be controlled. And you've
got the puppy sitting on

1:15:39.090,1:15:41.910
our lap. And the next thing
you know, it's across the room

1:15:41.910,1:15:45.000
and it's on the lap of somebody who's 20 years younger than you!

1:15:45.120,1:15:49.440
And you're like, "oh my god,
you know, I know I liked

1:15:49.440,1:15:52.320
that person. I know I was attracted
to that person, but I

1:15:52.320,1:15:56.610
would never have let on that
I was attracted to that person!"

1:15:56.610,1:16:01.140
But the puppy is over there.
That's what eros can feel

1:16:01.170,1:16:05.910
like. It is spontaneous. It is free. It goes wherever it wants to go.

1:16:06.990,1:16:13.110
Well, that may or may
not be about that person.

1:16:13.110,1:16:16.470
That might be about eros saying, "honey, we need to be around other people.

1:16:17.610,1:16:21.510
We need a relationship.
Stop judging everybody and

1:16:21.510,1:16:26.850
let's be more open. Because I need
to live, I need to breathe."

1:16:26.850,1:16:31.560
Eros is the voice saying, "Life... Where's life? I want to live.

1:16:31.560,1:16:35.310
Where's pleasure? I 
want pleasure. Where's righteousness?

1:16:35.580,1:16:38.910
Where's righteousness in the
best sense of the word?

1:16:38.910,1:16:44.820
Where's divinity? Where is my next 
opportunity to grow?" That's what

1:16:44.820,1:16:49.440
Eros can tell us. But when eros
does that, it's like a child.

1:16:49.440,1:16:52.780
You don't let a child choose
your outfit for the day.

1:16:55.320,1:17:00.380
It can suggest but there are other elements that come into play.

1:17:01.900,1:17:06.440
So I gave an example in another
teleconference of when you walk...

1:17:06.460,1:17:08.920
...I know this is a girl
example, but I'm a girl.

1:17:08.920,1:17:13.240
So there you go! You walk by a shop
window and you see a red dress.

1:17:13.360,1:17:17.770
And you are attracted to that
red dress. And you go in and you

1:17:17.770,1:17:20.380
buy it. But of course, it
doesn't look good on you and it

1:17:20.380,1:17:25.090
sits in your closet. What was
that about? Well, the eros was

1:17:25.090,1:17:28.570
telling you that "we want more
femininity, and we want more

1:17:28.570,1:17:32.800
feminine energy in our lives."
That would do it. That's one way

1:17:32.830,1:17:38.980
to do it. Eros does not demand
that you do that particular

1:17:38.980,1:17:42.550
activity. Or what it is
specifically pointing you

1:17:42.550,1:17:48.940
towards. So if we think of eros
as an indicator of flow that

1:17:48.940,1:17:53.620
wants to occur. Then we use our
intelligence, we use our ego. We

1:17:53.620,1:17:57.580
use all the other capacities we
have as people to say, "is that

1:17:57.940,1:18:02.830
the specific best answer? Or can
I broaden in my view and see a

1:18:02.830,1:18:03.790
lot of options here?"

1:18:05.530,1:18:07.300
Caller: Jan?
Jan: Yes?

1:18:09.190,1:18:13.420
Hang on one second. I'm gonna
bookmark that I didn't finish

1:18:13.420,1:18:17.110
answering Harry's question,
okay. And I'm open to whatever

1:18:17.110,1:18:17.740
you want to say.

1:18:18.820,1:18:19.720
Caller: [Indisceranble] What'd
you say?

1:18:19.720,1:18:23.320
Jan: Well, I'm personally
bookmarking that I have one more

1:18:23.320,1:18:26.770
part to answer, but this may
help me...so please go ahead. Oh,

1:18:27.100,1:18:30.340
oh, please go ahead. No, that's
okay. Good.

1:18:30.880,1:18:33.490
Okay, well, when Harry was
asking his question, the

1:18:33.490,1:18:37.480
question that came into my head.
And I'm not gonna...because I

1:18:37.480,1:18:41.320
don't have a psychology
background so I may state this wrong.

1:18:41.320,1:18:44.620
But there's something... the Oedipal complex?

1:18:45.620,1:18:50.380
Where you fall in love, you are
romantically in love with one

1:18:50.700,1:18:58.460
of your parents. And so I don't know if this is what he was getting at or not, but this is what popped in my head as he was asking his question.

1:18:58.460,1:19:03.320
And so then when he says, unrequited love,
well that's not realistic, right?

1:19:03.460,1:19:07.240
Again, I don't have a psychology background. But it's my understanding of

1:19:07.240,1:19:09.920
the Oedipal complex is that it's 
not realistic but you're

1:19:10.380,1:19:14.060
jealous of the same-sex parent
because they've stolen this

1:19:14.160,1:19:17.400
person you're in love with,
right? Isn't that how it goes?

1:19:17.400,1:19:23.860
Yeah. That's perfect. That's going to lead me right back into answering Harry's question. So, thank you. Okay.

1:19:24.100,1:19:28.160
So here's how the two of those
two parts come together.

1:19:28.650,1:19:34.020
In terms of spirituality and
psychology, where they meet is

1:19:34.020,1:19:38.490
that the Oedipal stage is a
natural stage of development in

1:19:38.490,1:19:44.070
human beings. That's the place
where we are seeing that we, as

1:19:44.070,1:19:49.410
girls, or we, as boys, are going
to behave in a certain way in society.

1:19:51.350,1:19:56.630
But we're still little. So girls
should marry men. "I have a

1:19:56.630,1:19:59.300
great idea! My dad is a best man
I know!"

1:20:00.710,1:20:05.000
That's the actual psychological
origin of the Oedipal complex.

1:20:05.000,1:20:08.960
It's a natural phase. And the
intention is that we will move

1:20:08.960,1:20:13.010
through that. But then at that
point, what the little girl is

1:20:13.010,1:20:17.720
saying is, "I'm a girl, girls
marry men." I'm just picking

1:20:17.720,1:20:20.060
this, I know that there are
other solutions and I'm more

1:20:20.060,1:20:25.550
than happy. But you can't put
every example into one analogy.

1:20:27.740,1:20:32.450
You know? "I see the model that
society is showing me and this

1:20:32.450,1:20:37.460
would work because I like my
dad. And oh, I can already see

1:20:37.460,1:20:42.590
it coming. There she is, there's
my rival. "The positive of that

1:20:42.620,1:20:47.930
is the child is already getting
a whiff of the dynamics that

1:20:47.930,1:20:54.020
occur in human existence. From a
very immature place, from a very

1:20:54.020,1:20:58.340
tiny place. But the positive is
that's like playing with dolls.

1:20:58.420,1:20:59.600
That's how we learn.

1:21:01.340,1:21:12.560
And same thing for the boys.
They say, "oh I will...

1:21:34.880,1:21:39.380
[indiscernable]. The real
positive is trying to figure out how

1:21:39.380,1:21:41.020
does this fit together?

1:21:57.200,1:22:03.400
The games that little children
play...

1:22:03.660,1:22:09.220
What we see... [indiscernable]

1:22:15.040,1:22:18.600
[indiscernable]... No amount of information...

1:22:35.300,1:22:42.740
We gravitate towards that ...
because we don't have the tools

1:22:47.760,1:22:51.240
for a complex answer...

1:23:00.780,1:23:02.940
Okay, but an Oedipal complex

1:23:09.340,1:23:17.340
is part [indiscernable]

1:23:20.360,1:23:25.700
it's parents [indiscernable]

1:23:27.080,1:23:50.540
Any adoration that can grow
it... [indiscernable]

1:23:53.180,1:23:54.520
feel special.

1:24:04.080,1:24:12.000
We can feed a distortion...

1:24:12.320,1:24:14.800
And there will be consequences...

1:24:25.540,1:24:29.380
[indiscernable]...to enact
complex social situations.

1:24:29.980,1:24:33.140
And the child does not know what
it's triggering in those two

1:24:33.530,1:24:37.000
adults. So that's where the
Oedipal stuff kind of fits in on

1:24:37.010,1:24:41.870
a different level. Now, if I go
back to the question that I kind

1:24:41.870,1:24:47.450
of ran off with, Harry was
asking about sexuality. I love

1:24:47.540,1:24:52.340
Lecture 44 on Love, Eros, and
Sex because of how it speaks

1:24:52.340,1:24:56.600
about eros. Making eros
wonderful and gentle and a guide

1:24:56.750,1:24:58.820
to what you should be doing,
instead of something that you

1:24:58.820,1:25:03.350
need to control. I also love it
because it talks about sexuality

1:25:03.350,1:25:09.440
and so does Lecture 207, which
is the Spiritual Significance of

1:25:09.440,1:25:15.890
Sexuality. The Guide speaks of
sexuality as one manifestation

1:25:16.700,1:25:24.620
of the life force. And in human
culture because we are throttled

1:25:24.650,1:25:28.850
a little bit...human culture
across the board has something

1:25:28.850,1:25:33.680
to say about sexuality of its
members. It may say, "go for it"

1:25:33.680,1:25:36.900
or it may say, "don't go for
it." But it has something to say

1:25:37.080,1:25:41.860
An individual may not get
served no matter how generous or

1:25:41.870,1:25:44.660
loving a society is. Just like
an individual may not get served

1:25:44.660,1:25:49.070
no matter how wonderful its
parents are. Okay? Or it may fit

1:25:49.070,1:25:52.820
in beautifully, depends on the
situation. But society has

1:25:52.820,1:25:56.780
something to say about
sexuality, precisely because

1:25:57.530,1:26:03.800
sexuality is such a potent
manifestation of life force.

1:26:04.400,1:26:08.810
Society needs to keep this
manifestation of life force in a

1:26:08.810,1:26:12.920
specific channel. It needs to
keep this force from jumping the

1:26:12.920,1:26:17.780
banks and flooding the town and
getting in the habit of breaking rules and laws.

1:26:18.900,1:26:21.400
Yes...? I thought I heard question?

1:26:21.820,1:26:29.540
I didn't hear a question. Okay.
So, if sexuality is a primary

1:26:29.540,1:26:34.640
channel for life force,
basically what we have done is

1:26:34.670,1:26:39.500
by entering into human life, we
knew that! We knew that

1:26:39.500,1:26:43.430
sexuality is powerful. We knew
that it could channel an

1:26:43.730,1:26:47.030
incredible amount of energy!
That it would align with

1:26:47.030,1:26:53.150
procreation and survival and
hardwired instincts that are

1:26:53.150,1:26:58.250
positive and have tremendous
negative possibilities. Okay.

1:26:58.250,1:27:02.330
So we are basically--when we engage
with sexuality, energetically or

1:27:02.330,1:27:08.680
technically--we have a tiger by
the tail. And what the lecture

1:27:09.080,1:27:15.420
44 suggests is that we both
honor the sexual impulses

1:27:16.600,1:27:22.160
but we also bring them in to a more
spiritual context.

1:27:24.300,1:27:26.640
Yes, we want pleasure.

1:27:28.160,1:27:34.760
Yes, our bodies want sexual
satisfaction. But human beings

1:27:34.760,1:27:39.980
have built civilizations based
on, "hang on a minute. Relax.

1:27:40.130,1:27:41.990
We're going to distract you for
a bit. Then we're going to try

1:27:41.990,1:27:45.650
to give you some opportunity."
Human societies are built on

1:27:45.650,1:27:53.450
structures so that the channel
is allowed, but is held.

1:27:53.450,1:27:58.100
And societies, just like parents,
don't do that perfectly.

1:28:00.140,1:28:03.170
So this is perhaps where all
these elements come together.

1:28:04.490,1:28:08.180
So you have a compulsion to
recreate. And that can start

1:28:08.180,1:28:13.760
with an eros. The eros wasn't
about doing it wrong again.

1:28:14.890,1:28:20.290
The eros was about healing. Eros
looks across the room and says,

1:28:20.680,1:28:25.810
"That person! That's it! That's
the one!" And you translated

1:28:25.810,1:28:30.130
that as the perfect one. The
best one. The most pleasurable

1:28:30.130,1:28:34.360
experience. And your eros knew a
little bit more than you did!

1:28:34.660,1:28:36.820
And it said, "Now, that's gonna
get us in terrible trouble.

1:28:36.820,1:28:40.690
We're finally going to move
through this block." Can you

1:28:40.690,1:28:45.340
feel the difference between a
wider, enlightened viewpoint?

1:28:46.600,1:28:52.090
And sometimes the simplistic
interpretations that we give it?

1:28:53.530,1:28:56.350
And also the selfish
interpretations.

1:28:57.640,1:28:59.180
We don't want to get in trouble.

1:29:00.300,1:29:06.220
There's a place when we talk
about negativity, that I feel

1:29:06.910,1:29:13.120
isn't spoken about in a positive
sense. And that is--we don't

1:29:13.140,1:29:14.540
want to change.

1:29:16.400,1:29:19.200
If you think you truly want to
change, think again.

1:29:22.150,1:29:27.370
And that by manifesting as human
beings, we have got ourselves in

1:29:27.370,1:29:30.970
born into a universe that never
stops. You can't stop growing.

1:29:30.970,1:29:35.170
You can't stop living unless you
die. You can't hit the pause

1:29:35.170,1:29:41.980
button. Okay? And that creates
dynamics. And that reveals us in

1:29:41.980,1:29:46.240
our distortions. We make
mistakes upon mistakes upon

1:29:46.240,1:29:50.020
mistakes. And there's a positive
quality to that. But there's

1:29:50.020,1:29:53.470
also a place where we would
really rather cement the planet

1:29:53.500,1:29:58.120
and turn it into a parking lot
so that we don't have to feel

1:29:59.410,1:30:03.520
these chaotic feelings. So that
we do not have to endure the

1:30:03.520,1:30:06.820
pain of separation and loss.

1:30:08.290,1:30:11.380
Where we'd like to guarantee at
least two hours of pleasure in

1:30:11.380,1:30:14.080
the next two hours. "Could I
just have that? Just two hours

1:30:14.080,1:30:14.650
of pleasure?"

1:30:16.880,1:30:21.380
Okay? But behind that demand,
you don't want two hours of

1:30:21.380,1:30:24.080
pleasure! Nobody who really
wants two hours of pleasure

1:30:24.080,1:30:27.950
mandates that's what's going to
happen. Someone who truly wants

1:30:27.950,1:30:30.680
pleasure, understands that
there's pleasure in learning,

1:30:30.680,1:30:35.300
pleasure in growth, pleasure in
development. And that moment by

1:30:35.300,1:30:39.440
moment, it may not feel good.
But 30 years from now, you're

1:30:39.440,1:30:46.010
going to be happy with your
life. So what I'm saying here is

1:30:46.010,1:30:47.960
that there needs to be an
acknowledgment.

1:30:49.640,1:30:52.400
It's in the lectures and I
believe it strongly. There needs

1:30:52.400,1:30:56.300
to be an acknowledgement that we
are resistant to change.

1:30:57.740,1:31:01.820
That we are resistant to our own
plan. So you've got a push/pull

1:31:01.940,1:31:05.930
kind of thing. One of the things
I carry-- I have a little

1:31:05.960,1:31:10.220
special box that I carry to
workshops sometimes-- and for

1:31:10.220,1:31:13.520
years and years and years, I
carry one of those little silly

1:31:13.550,1:31:16.880
Chinese finger pulles. You know
when you were a kid, you stick

1:31:16.880,1:31:20.450
your fingers in and you can't
get them out if you pull? That

1:31:20.450,1:31:25.280
that's what human life is like.
And spirituality, and this is

1:31:25.280,1:31:29.090
what you spoke of when you said,
"just relax, just breathe, just

1:31:29.090,1:31:32.570
move with it." Spiritual life is
about very slowly and carefully

1:31:32.570,1:31:36.560
realizing that you're not
trapped. That you're fine.

1:31:38.000,1:31:40.940
That there is no great harm
coming at you. Or if there is

1:31:40.940,1:31:43.250
harm, it's not going to kill
you.

1:31:44.560,1:31:48.040
And even if it's going to kill
you, I wonder what this is all

1:31:48.040,1:31:52.510
about? Please understand, I'm
not saying that when the car

1:31:52.510,1:31:55.150
comes at you, you stand in the
street saying, "hmm, maybe I'll

1:31:55.150,1:31:57.850
die today. We'll see what
happens..." Because I can

1:31:57.850,1:32:01.540
imagine that if you go upstairs
and talk to your team, they

1:32:01.540,1:32:04.150
would say, "Why didn't you get
out of the way?" And you'd say,

1:32:04.180,1:32:06.010
"I thought it would be fun!" And
they say, "do you know how much

1:32:06.010,1:32:09.790
work it took to get you down
there in human form? Do you know

1:32:09.790,1:32:11.950
what we're gonna have to do?
We're just gonna have to do this

1:32:11.950,1:32:14.770
again! Because no, that was not
the message. As a matter of

1:32:14.770,1:32:19.570
fact, you cut the plan short! So
the next time we make up a plan,

1:32:20.200,1:32:26.530
we're going to change it so you
can't do that." What I'm talking

1:32:26.530,1:32:30.460
about is the place for when you
find yourself in harm's way and

1:32:30.460,1:32:33.940
you do what you have to do to
get out of harm's way. It may

1:32:33.940,1:32:37.600
cost you a broken leg, it may
cost you...and I really don't want to

1:32:37.600,1:32:41.830
get into story, but there's a
lot of permutations here. But

1:32:41.830,1:32:46.030
the important thing is, what did
you learn? How did you get in

1:32:46.030,1:32:51.910
harm's way? Were you drunk? Were
you stoned? Were you weeping so

1:32:51.910,1:32:57.070
hard you couldn't see traffic?
Or do you have a death wish? And

1:32:57.070,1:33:02.590
translation of death wish would
be: are you unwilling to do the

1:33:02.590,1:33:09.040
work and secretly looking for a
way out? So remember the game

1:33:09.040,1:33:13.960
"chutes and ladders?" There are
places of self-sabotage and

1:33:13.960,1:33:18.130
suicide. Some may want to hit
the reset button and saying,

1:33:18.190,1:33:25.660
"this is too hard, I can't do
this." Now, it may be too hard.

1:33:26.740,1:33:28.540
Keep in mind that you came up
with this plan.

1:33:30.880,1:33:35.320
And in this plan, you gave
yourself absolutely everything

1:33:35.320,1:33:41.410
you need to complete the plan.
And what this lecture is about

1:33:41.830,1:33:47.350
is another way of looking at
what you gave yourself. Your

1:33:47.350,1:33:51.010
childhood experiences and your
childhood hurts. Not the ones

1:33:51.010,1:33:53.860
that are resolved. We don't work
with the ones that are resolved.

1:33:54.000,1:34:01.020
Those are fine. And we resolve
phenomenal amounts of process work.

1:34:02.080,1:34:06.500
Children are astounding in
their capacity to work through

1:34:06.500,1:34:10.200
incongruities, to work through
hypocrisy, to work through

1:34:10.380,1:34:13.900
abandonment issues. And that's
why if you put two children in

1:34:13.900,1:34:17.770
exactly the same situation, you
could have one child coming out

1:34:17.770,1:34:20.710
saying, "I never get what I
want." And the other child

1:34:20.710,1:34:25.750
coming out saying, "I made it, I
survived. Life is okay." Same

1:34:25.780,1:34:28.420
situation. They come out with
totally different points of

1:34:28.420,1:34:35.770
view! So your hurts from
childhood, that remain with you

1:34:35.800,1:34:43.090
in full adulthood, have meaning.
And you do need to resolve them.

1:34:43.780,1:34:47.620
But if you're trying to resolve
them by creating the battle

1:34:47.620,1:34:51.280
again with other people, and
this time coming out victorious,

1:34:51.480,1:34:53.940
well that's not really dealing with
the distortion.

1:34:56.640,1:35:01.260
That's trying to win. And the
idea that one person wins and

1:35:01.270,1:35:03.670
the other person loses is a
distortion.

1:35:06.690,1:35:11.850
The unified law, the unified
point of view there would be...

1:35:12.120,1:35:14.910
Yes, I need to heal myself.
Yes, I need to work through my

1:35:14.910,1:35:19.110
distortions. I wish to grow and
transform. Because when I do, I

1:35:19.110,1:35:23.430
contribute to the positive
influence in the universe. When

1:35:23.490,1:35:26.160
I win, everyone wins.

1:35:27.479,1:35:30.629
When someone else wins, I win.

1:35:31.950,1:35:36.240
But on the planet, the first
place trophy usually only goes

1:35:36.240,1:35:40.770
to one person. So we're left
with the illusion of losing,

1:35:41.040,1:35:44.010
even though we might be the
winner. Some of you might have

1:35:44.010,1:35:47.610
experienced a teacher when you
were little, that basically

1:35:47.640,1:35:52.440
awarded a grade or a prize or
recognition, to the child who

1:35:52.440,1:35:57.000
tried the hardest. Now I was an
"A" student and I resented that.

1:35:57.120,1:36:01.080
Because I worked hard for that
"A" and I didn't want any kid

1:36:01.080,1:36:07.170
that "tried hard" to get extra
credit...until I was 14 and I

1:36:07.170,1:36:13.710
was a pudgy, fat, clumsy,
four-eyed, intellectual kid. And

1:36:13.740,1:36:17.250
when I was 14, I decided to make
something of myself spiritually.

1:36:18.090,1:36:22.410
Now, you can imagine this kid on
the track. I came in so dead

1:36:22.410,1:36:24.990
last everybody else was in the
showers by the time I finished

1:36:24.990,1:36:30.360
the track. But my teacher gave
me an A. Not for the year, but

1:36:30.360,1:36:33.900
for the semester. She couldn't
go that far. And she gave me an

1:36:33.930,1:36:36.600
"A" for the semester because she
just couldn't help it. I tried

1:36:36.600,1:36:40.440
so hard. She'd never seen
anybody try so hard. But that

1:36:40.440,1:36:44.130
didn't mean I had athletic
ability. And that didn't mean

1:36:44.130,1:36:46.050
that I could meet an objective
standard.

1:36:47.430,1:36:50.310
She just wanted to let me know
that she'd seen me.

1:36:52.490,1:36:58.550
And she gave me recognition that
I really appreciate it. And I

1:36:58.550,1:37:01.460
certainly understood why she
only gave me a "B" for a whole year

1:37:01.780,1:37:07.360
because you could only do
so much with the body that you manifest.

1:37:08.140,1:37:14.720
So, perhaps on that silly note,
are there any other questions right now?

1:37:19.860,1:37:20.620
Okay.

1:37:20.660,1:37:21.940
Caller: Thanks, Jan!

1:37:22.140,1:37:26.160
Jan: Oh, no worries. Very
grateful to have everyone here.

1:37:26.160,1:37:29.400
The teleconference in two weeks
is going to be on Lecture 160

1:37:29.400,1:37:32.790
the Conciliation of Inner Split.
Now, I will tell you right now

1:37:32.790,1:37:35.360
that I have not figured out yet
why I picked that lecture.

1:37:36.100,1:37:39.940
But... somehow it goes with this one
and I was inspired to do that.

1:37:40.140,1:37:43.580
I may bring in other lectures
because it may turn out that I

1:37:43.660,1:37:49.320
can't get my head around that
concept. But I... I.. I wanted to

1:37:49.740,1:37:54.220
pick some un-juicy lectures and
show people the juice in them.

1:37:55.200,1:37:58.440
So I took one that I knew was a
great lecture that isn't

1:37:58.440,1:38:01.740
normally taught or talked about.
I thought it would be fun to

1:38:01.740,1:38:06.930
explore. So, if you choose to
join us then you are welcome.

1:38:07.770,1:38:11.040
Thanks very much for being here.
And thank you so much for your

1:38:11.040,1:38:15.630
questions! Because that's what
the work is about your

1:38:15.630,1:38:18.360
questions, your issues, not concepts.

1:38:20.640,1:38:24.680
So, thank you again and have a nice
evening or morning.

1:38:26.300,1:38:27.480
Okay. Bye-bye.

1:38:33.660,1:38:35.660
Music starts playing...